Chris's "One-Word" Movie Reviews

Reviews of movies I recently saw, or perhaps was thinking about (and a few reviews by friends).  I'll limit them to one word, maybe a few if the situation requires it.  (If you don't know what the quotes around "One Word" mean, click here.)

The purpose?  I'd advise you don't spend any money on or have any high hopes for anything that got bad marks.  And you maybe you'll see a movie somewhere that I liked and you'll take a chance and watch or rent it.  The ones in yellow -- you're on your own!

Started 1/1999, updated JUN-2005,  it will grow over time.

Movies in Red I'd suggest you avoid
Movies in Yellow, I'd be careful -- you might love it, might hate it.
Movies in Green, I think you'll like them -- those marked  *  are my favorites

The Movies

p(pi) -- Fascinating
15 Minutes -- No Happy Ending
8mm -- Bleak
The Abominable Dr. Phibes -- Beautiful, Classy, Classic*
American Beauty -- Unique
Armageddon -- So-So
Antz -- Suckz
Art of War, The -- Bad Art
Assault on Dome 4 -- Bad DieHard Remake
Astronaut's Wife -- Rosemary's Baby II
Austin Powers, The Spy Who Shagged Me -- Pretty Shaggy
Avengers, The -- OK
Bats -- Guano
Being John Malkovich -- Cool
Being There -- Cool 2
Bicentennial Man -- Tearjerker*
Blade -- Cut one
Bladerunner -- Classic SciFi
Blair Witch Project, The -- Goosebumps*
Bless The Child -- Firestarter meets Rosemary's Baby
Boiler Room - OK, I Guess
Bone Collector, The -- Stupid
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 -- Complete #2
Bowfinger -- Cute
Brazil -- Dazzling! *
Bullworth -- Bullshit
Caddy Shack -- Hilarious *
Caddy Shack II -- Turd
Cell, The -- Creepy
Chill Factor -- Brrrrrr
Civil Matter, A -- Interesting
Cobra -- Lame3
Collateral -- Bleak
Crew, The -- Cut!
Dark City -- Captivating
Dark Days -- Another World
Dave -- Warm
Day The Earth Caught Fire, The -- Classic
Deep Blue Sea, The -- Predictable
Deep Impact -- So-So
Dirty Work -- Totally Sucked
Dish, The -- Cute
Double Jeopardy -- The Fugitive III
Drop Dead Gorgeous -- Too true!*
Dr. Dolittle -- Lame
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop  Worrying And Love the Bomb -- True Classic*Note 5
Dudley Do-Right -- Dud!
EdTV -- Ron Howard
End of Days -- Stigmat-enegger
Enemy at the Gates -- Boring, Gory
Enemy of the State -- Improbable
Event Horizon -- Sucked
Evolution -- MIB + Ghostbusters
eXistenZ -- Real Trip
Exit Wounds -- Standard Segal Morality-Play
Eyes Wide Shut -- A bad-bad thing
Failsafe -- Classic*
Fairy Tale: A True Story -- Interesting
Fargo -- Unforgetable*
Fast Getaway -- Crap
Fifth Element, The -- OK
Fight Club -- Hmmmmmm....
Firemen's Ball, The (Horí, má panenko - 1967) -- Hilarious!*
Fog, The -- Goosebumps*
Forbidden Planet -- THE SF Movie!!!*
Forces of Nature -- Chick Flick
Freddie Got Fingered -- Tasteless, Humorless
From Dusk Till Dawn -- Gorefest
From Dusk Till Dawn 2 -- Plotless
Full Metal Jacket -- Weird
Game, The -- Wild!
General's Daughter, The -- Huh?
Get Carter -- Predictably Bad
Get It On! -- Leave it off!
Green Mile -- Sweet
Gone in 60 Seconds (1974) -- Action!
Gone in 60 Seconds (2000) -- I lasted 45min. Note 4
Ghosts of Mars, The -- Assault on Precinct 2013
Ghost Ship -- Ghost Sh_t
Hannibal -- Glacial
Hard Rain -- Soggy
Hollow Man -- Empty
Holy Man -- Holy Sh_t
House on Haunted Hill (1999) -- Awful yet terrifying
I Know What You Did Last Summer -- Standard Slasher
I Robot -- Rape!!!  Rape!!!!  (of Issaic Asimov's Book)
Jackass, The Movie -- Homo-erotic Sadomasochism
Kiss the Girls -- OK, I guess
Killer Klowns from Outer Space -- Unique, Hilarious*
Kronos (1957) -- Classic B&W SF
L.A. Confidential -- Confusing
Lake Placid -- Flaccid
Last Action Hero -- Substandard
Les Misérables -- Miserable
Lethal Weapon 4 -- Implausible
Lost In Space -- Found, Sadly
Mafia! -- Shockingly bad
Man In The White Suit, The -- Classic
Mars Attacks -- Everyone Dies!
Matrix, The -- Wow
Meet Joe Black -- Quirky
Memento -- Unforgetable*
Men in Black -- A Tad Disappointing
Mexican, The -- Call Immigration!
Mindhunters -- Mindless
Mission Impossible -- Confusing
Mission Impossible II -- Poor James Bond
Misson To Mars -- Martian 2001
Mo' Money -- Sucked
Mosquito (1995) -- Off®!
Mummy, The -- Crummy
My Favorite Martian -- 2nd Favorite Perhaps
Never Cry Wolf -- Charming *
Ninth Gate, The -- Huh?
Nutty Professor II: The Klumps -- Dingleberries
October Skys -- True, Heartwarming
Onion Fields, The -- Good
Ordinary People -- Real
Perfect Storm, The -- Imperfect
Private Parts -- Don't Look!
Proof Of Life -- Chick Flick
Pushing Tin -- Battling Jerks
Red Corner -- Chick Flick
Reindeer Games -- Weak
Robin Hood: Men in Tights -- Stunk
Robert A. Heinlein's The Puppet Masters -- Could be worse
Rocky & Bullwinkle -- Not too bad
Ronin -- Disappointing
Runaway Train -- Intense
Rush Hour -- Painful
Saving Private Ryan -- Real
Scary Movie -- Boring, Tasteless
Seconds (1966) -- Mesmerizing
Siege, The -- Denzel-fizzled
Silicon Towers -- Grade B-
Shadows and Fog -- Fogged-In
Shakespeare in Love -- Note 1 (see below)
Shining, The -- Beautiful, Terrifying *
Sixth Sense, The -- Dead man walking
Sleepy Hollow -- Sleepy, Hollow
Small Time Crooks -- Lightweight
South Park -- Bigger, Longer, & Uncut -- Disappointing
Space Cowboys -- Dumb
Sphere -- Dumb (A rip-off of the classic Forbidden Planet)
Stigmata -- Soggy
Steel -- Personal-Foul
Strangeland -- Excrement! (CaptHowdy-Doo-Doo) Note 2
Summer of Sam -- 1% Sam
Supernova -- CGI's getting cheap
Swordfish -- Cyber-dribble
Terminator, The -- Non-stop
Terminator II -- Awesome! *
Texas Chain Saw Massacre -- Frightening!
The (anything) -- see (Anything), The
Thief -- Riveting! *
Thing, The -- Horror (both versions)
Thirteenth Floor, The --- Cool!
Thomas Crown Affair, The -- Zzzzzzzzzz......
Titanic -- OK (Chick Flick)
To Die For -- Captivating *
Top Of The World -- Pathetic
Total Recall -- Rollercoaster *
Traffic -- Adequate
Trainspotting -- Unique *
Transporter, The -- Return To Sender
Truman Show, The -- Cute
Turbulence -- Surprisingly good
Turbulence 2 -- Airsick, the WORST!
Turbulence 3 -- Worse and Worser
Urban Myth -- Gimmicky
Used Cars -- Hilarious *
U-571 -- Not too deep
U.S. Marshals -- The Fugitive III
Vertical Limit -- Nonsensical Crap
Videodrome -- Dangerous
Virus -- Unpleasant
You've Got Mail -- Return to Sender Note 3
Waterboy -- Embarrassing
What Lies Beneath -- Hitchcock in a Blender
White Noise -- Fair
Wild, Wild West -- Willfully bad
Woods, The -- Won'ts
XXX State Of The Union -- Pathetic

Note 1: I couldn't do this one justice in one word.  I'll have to quote Collin Quinn on SNL:
"I didn't see it at the movies, I'm not going to buy or rent the tape, and if it's ever on TV I'll turn past it at the speed of light."

Note 2:  Anyone know where the name of the main character of this piece of garbage "CaptHowdy" comes from?  A trivia question.  Answer.

Note 3:  My reviewer says " In fact this is not a movie review, it is a public service  announcement.  If you see it you will be disgusted at yourself for pissing away 120 minutes of your life that might have been better spent at the dentist."

Note 4:  My theory is that there are two different versions of this film being circulated, one an action picture full of car chases and action scenes, and one with all of action portions cut out.  I, unfortunately, saw the latter.  At least that's all I can figure when other reviewers I trust call this "all action" and complain about the lack of character development, cause I didn't see any action to speak of, just true chick-flick endless character interplay, the guy, his mommy, his brother, "the cop", on and on.  I could even see the director asking the producer "Gee, do I have to show them actually stealing cars?  Can't we just show them back fresh from the theft, let them tell the story in their eyes?"

Note 5:  If you've never seen this, make sure to see the movie Failsafe first!

For a second opinion to mine (might be wise!) and for concise reviews of other movies, click for 2¢ MOVIE REVIEWS.

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