THE SEA-MONKEY® BAD POETRY PAGE




Haiku

My poor sea monkey
Floating in the dirty tank
I should have fed you.

Submitted by Amber Gardina


Haiku

Silly Sea Monkey
I put you by the window
You don't like the sun?

Submitted by Danny Gardina

A BRIGHT SUMMER DAY

To and fro
across the bowl
you, my brilliance in
a world of turmoil
you swam
you played
you brought me joy
on a bright summer
day
I had perched you on the windowsill
next to my shoes
oh, stupid, stupid
careless me
I had fixed my shoes
used a glue that had
been known to cause cancer
in
lab rats
The toxic fumes
the toxic fumes
death

Submitted by Sarah Wolcott
 

the monkey racetracks.

my friends come over
with their sea-monkeys
one guy brings his race track
(he bought it for 5 dollars)
and he smiles and says
i hope you brought cash
and then he says he bets me
ten bucks that ahhhnold
his favorite sea-monkey
will win the race

well, ahhhnold doesn't
my sea-monkey
rambo
wins the race
i am so happy
but rambo passes out
from heat exhaustion
and i cry
the city gets mad
and protests against
gambling and racing sea-monkeys
and the local humane society
gets irked
but i keep racing
(i am a gambling addict)
and my buds and i get arrested
and my devoted pets are
distributed to foster homes

now i am all alone
and sometimes i get hate mail
from rambo
but mostly
letters from my old sea friends
who miss me and have dysfunctional lives
and who got flushed
and eaten
and some even placed back into
suspended animation

so you may have rambo
you may have ahhhnold
or you may have a dysfunctional monkey
who misses me and who has
devoted him (or her) self to
eating man before
man can eat him
beware the dysfunctional monkeys!!!...

By jennifer marion frank

This is my Poem

some say sea-monkeys are good and sweet
i tell you this is not so
for when i placed an egg within the vessel
he began to grow and grow
i do not think that he was a hybrid
he was not at all tame
i know, for i've sea-monkeys before
and this one was not the same
how odd! quoth you mine was not that way
oh, lucky you, i reply
my sea-monkey grew and grew
until he touched the sky
you hear of godzilla and monsters
i'll tell you from whence such ideas came
my baby little sea-monkey:
Smelly was his name-
he went and he ate tokyo
and destroyed hudson bay
i see the way you look at me
and doubt all that i say
but believe, me! some monkeys are duds
and should be treated with care
for as you laugh at your little shrimp
stop and wonder what's really there...

Submitted by jennifer marion frank

Ode to a summer's Sea Monkey(R)

Well open your eyes,
To this ubiquitous act...
For science fiction will soon become
Science fact!

Swimming along against their currents,
A new breed of life is here.
With a crush of power they hatch,
Stupendously animated; so austere.

Will they ever grow? the question looms high.
But growth proves imminent--
Your Sea Monkeys will certainly bloom,
You must believe in it!

Even with no real sense of maternity,
Sea Monkeys will live under no lie,
Assexually reproducing,
These wonders never die!

So get ready to exercise your power,
For what other creature lets you play God?
What other pet can succumb to your wrath,
Yet needs no such approving nod?

Sea Monkeys(R)!
Speak it loud, speak it clear!
For with these pulsating pets at your guard
you will never need fear!

Submitted by Jon McCandlish

Untitled

Beautiful Sea Monkey
If only I were a sea monkey
I could see their world
If only they were I
They'd have every right to cry

To be and see as a sea monkey
Definitely strange, but necesarry
Caged in a plastic tank
They yearn to be free

What a strange life it was
Strange as it is they are more free than we
Little do we know
They understand our love

Time for us to change
Let us all become sea monkeys

by Mr. Bojangles

Untitled

Sea monkey, Sea monkey
You are my God
You swim and say nothing
Rather odd

If only you could speak
I'm sure you would say something
But since you can't
It all means nothing

Sea monkey, Sea monkey
Your life will be short
Sea monkey, Sea monkey
To die would be smart

Escape, escape
Beautiful sea monkey
Your life is to fragile
Escape, escape

By Mr. Bojangles

Untitled

Sea Monkey!
I love you!
I hate you!
I eat you for lunch!
Rejoice!
Floss!

- Matt Sebastian

Sea Monkey Sickness

My Sea Monkey is real healthy
He doesn't know disease
But all of this will change
He will begin to wheeze

He is very very sick now
And in a lot of pain
His constant noisy hacking
Has driven me insane!

He didn't know what hit him
When I took him from his tank
I put him in the bathtub
And he quickly soaked and sank

But one detail I overlooked
Is he's aquatic normally
So he just sat there in the tub
Staring up at me!

This annoyed me greatly
So much I hated him
But all he did was stare
And then began to swim

'Round and 'round the tub he went
And all that I could see
Was a distorted fuzzy blur
But he was still looking at me

His speed came to a flying rate
And he began to rise
And still I was the target
Of those little eyes

He SHOT out of the bathtub
Headed right for me
I had no chance or hope
To even begin to flee

He hit my head dead center
Giving me such a knock
I felt a giant pain
When he hit me with a "WHOCK!"

This poem is a warning
To all monkey owners
Who are stuck beside a monkey
That is an annoying groaner

Do not do your monkey wrong!
Don't go against his grain!
Or that monkey will give you
The most EXCRUCIATING pains!

By Erik Nesse

In Honour of a Birth

See Sea Monkeys
Sea Monkeys See
See, I told you
Sea Monkeys See.

Submitted by Blaine Currie

Money for alien sea-monkey sex fiends

Super funky love chunky
Ultra Psycho killing machines
Forced to die in the name of a wooden clown
Drag-o-rama psychadelic mega symbol rust machine
Controlled by the Monkeys-of-the-sea.
I want to see that monkey howl through a keyhole.
I want to see that monkey explode...
But never die

Submitted by Adam Grant.

Aspirin Blood

Sea monkey, sing.
Delight my senses,insidious devil creature. Devil.
Sea monkey, sing.
Yacub.

Sea monkey, no.
I deny you, because you envelop
my existential being; Engulfing.
Your astral plane
tricked my dome.

Sea monkey.
Drums beat.
Sea monkey.
Drums beat.
Pete's Wicked Winter Brew. Escape.

Sea monkey, lie. You rejoice in black lies.
Leave my presence.

Submitted by Joshua Garrett

BEING FOR THE BENEFIT OF MR. S---

Cool funky
Sea Monkey
Dazzling through the starless night of the thousand generations I
see you snarling
Free in your captivity
Wild in your tiny spaces
No heart can rule you, vicious atom beasts;-
-or can it?-

Cool funky
Sea Monkey
There is one; there is a mind more wild than all your infinite
savagery
Dazzling in its leering rage
Free in all its power
His controls you; his is the dominant light stick
-in his magic are you spellbound-

Cool funky
Sea Monkey
Free worlds tremble in fear at your mighty displacements
(yours is the power which may make humble the Gods)
But he sees and smiles only
He is your master!!
-and in his rage do you tremble-

Cool funky
Sea Monkey
I must confess that I'm pretty frightened of you myself
(I saw what you did to that goldfish)
Vicious snarling atom beasts
Why do you fear him?
why is his the power which renders you futile?
-but it is; it is-

Cool funky
Sea Monkey
I have seen you follow his commands
For when he waves his light stick, you travel where he bids you!
You follow HIS commands! he is your master and oh how his enemies
are startled!
He is Mr. S! Bow before him! Tremble!

America when will you take off your clothes?

Submited by Brian Phillips

"Monkey Sea-Monkey® Do"

When I eat peanut butter
Baby, you know I like it chunky.
But when it comes to pet-deities,
It's gotta be sea-monkeys®.

I went to see James Brown,
And I thought he was pretty funky.
But he don't gotta thing,
On my sacred sea-monkey®.

If a sea-monkey® wrench my knee.
Baby, you know I'd like the pain.
If a sea-monkey®'s on my back.
It don't mean I snort cocaine.

Hey hey, sea-monkey®,
You like to monkey around.
Well, monkey, sea-monkey® do
That monkey business all over town

by Elroy "The Chuckwagon" Davis .
 

SEA MONKEY PAIN

My SEA MONKEY is crying
My monkey is in pain
Perhaps I shouldn't have set him
In front of the coming train

By Erik Nesse, Ben Matson and Monica Furister.

SEA MONKEY FLIGHT

Monkeys in the air
They fly very vey well
It gives them quite a scare
Their heads begin to swell

The monkey will soon convalesce
Into The after life
But now I must confess
He is in no great strife

To let the monkeys learn to fly
was a really big mistake
But yet life still passes by
And this err I could afford to make

By Erik Nesse

LIVING WITH A SEA MONKEY

I own a little sea monkey
I keep him in a bowl
I thought he was a soccer ball
And kicked him at the goal

He was tangled in the goal net
Screaming in his pain
Pity was set upon him
So he was set in front of a train

By Erik Nesse and Monica Furister

Another untitled poem...

Dessicated, in a packet;
These ain't monkeys: what a racket!
Add some water, watch them hatch;
Disposable life, but there's one catch:
They don't appear as illustrated;
Monkeys and shrimp are not related.

Submitted by "hyperguy"

Untitled couplet

If it weren't for them a singin' all them hymns,
I would like to count their tiny little chins.

Submitted by Dennis L. Baker

Sea Monkey Haiku

I can't see you shrimp!
Magnifying glass on tank...
Bad Sea Monkeys, BAD!

Submitted by "Toast"

Untitled

Oh slutty sea monkey!
You've stolen my sea cucumber!
Damn you to sea-hell, you porous bastard!
Die, monkey, die!

But yet you are so cute.
So luscious, so intriguing.
I can't take my eyes off your slimy body.
I must have you.
Die, monkey, die!

Let's be friends, please.
I've bought a Chia Pet,
I'd like to introduce you to it.
In a world of lonliness and inanimate creatures,
You, too, can find love.
Die, monkey, die!

- Matt Sebastian and Kris Scott

I LOVED YOU

I loved you,
My sweet little sea monkey.
My heart was yours,
My soul was jubilant in the realisation of your love.
You were beautiful (well i thought so...)
and I loved you.

I loved you,
my cute little sea monkey.
I knew you loved me too
I could see it in your eyes (your very small eyes...)
We were soul-mates
and I loved you

I loved you,
My dear little sea monkey
I dreamed of our wedding day.
I planned what I'd wear
I bought a cake
because I loved you

I loved you
my poor little sea monkey
My anticipation grew
as our wedding day drew near
Then tragedy struck
My dog ate you
oh how i chided him,
oh how i cried
my poor little sea monkey
because I loved you

Submitted by Judith Croston

Damn You Vile Sea Monkeys

Damn you vile sea monkeys
The day I spilled you I was sorry
that you had no grave for me to stomp upon
so I went to where you left me
I looked into the indifferent john
damn you vile sea monkey
I pulled out my wet foot
I did this quite thoughtfully
for there was something on my pants I took a look
a dull green mass is what it was
I screamed like mad aaaAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
why you ask?
just because
you were still alive thats what it was
someone had to do this dreadfull task
I laid you on the cutting board
hoping not to miss ....
I brought my knife forward
that was a moment of pure bliss
your body parted...
you were jelly
but then you started,started to walk away,your head held in one dead arm
I placed my hand upon my belly
and ran away with great alarm
damn you vile sea monkey

Submitted by "reganser

SEA MONKEY SONNET XC

Shall I compare thee to a summer's fish?
Thou art more tiny, and less slippery;
Poseidon's charges often slime and swish,
And often squirm in death-throes flippery.
Sometime too large the fish's cold eyes bulge,
And frequently his presence leaves a stench,
But thou! sweet monkeys, never shall indulge
In gross demise that makes the housewives blench.
Oh, no! Thou liv'st in sweet and peaceful joy
And never once stick out amidst the smells
Of toddler's room, and need no tenant boy
To feed, or clean, or caretake where he dwells
For thee: but in thy gentle swimmings raise
Our souls, sweet sea monkeys, and gild our days.

BRIAN PHILLIPS

DARK AND ENDLESS SEA MONKEY NIGHTS

sometimes i sit in pain
and watch my sea monkeys endlessly swimming
who in their peacefulness know no rage
who in their transience no know bitterness

yeah, i'm pissed off

i think i'll buy that gun, after all.

BRIAN PHILLIPS

The Demise of My Sea-Monkeys®

My Sea-Monkey tank of bright red
Was sitting beside of my bed.
When along came my cat,
And bumped them - kersplatt!
And now all my monkeys are dead.

Someday I will purchase some more
To replace all those dead on the floor.
But for now all my sorrow
Has clouded tomorrow,
And my heart cannot head to the store.

Karen Stevenson

SEA-MONKEY®, MY FRIEND

Sea monkey... you were to be my friend.
You had a family, like the one on the box.
You are repulsive.
Conspiracy.
Brine shrimp.
Sea monkey... you were to be my friend.

Joshua Garrett

BOHEMIAN RAPSODY

Cool funky
Sea-Monkey®
Watching the flourescent lights
outside your world
flickering
to the beat of a
different drummer

Cool funky
Sea-Monkey®
Watching the world through
the magnifying glasses of your
tank
Looking in, you are
so small
Looking out you
see
infinity

Susan Barclay

THE SEA MONKEYS SURVIVE

Living in a rotten tire
Halfway sunken in the mire
In an oily lake that might catch fire
The Sea Monkeys. survive!

Little lives hanging by a thread
Protected and trapped by rubber tread
Not knowing they could soon be dead
The Sea Monkeys. survive!

I make a slit ever so thin
Which slowly lets the toxins in
I watch them as they start to spin
The Sea Monkeys. survive!

Then, amidst an eerie glow
The little creatures start to grow
And grow, and grow, and this I know:
The Sea Monkeys. survive!

I run now, with my heart abuzz,
Regretfully, for fool I was
I know they'll catch me soon because
The Sea Monkeys. survive!

Dave Grossman 1995

HAIKU

Sea-Monkeys in glass
Swimming in a tank of tears
Yearning to be free

From Declan West and Margot Fulcher

ODE TO A DEAD SEA-MONKEY®

I bought a pack of Sea-Monkeys
And put them in the tank
I fed and loved and watched you
Until one day you sank...

You sank to the bottom of the tank
And laid on upon your head
Then floated to the top of the water
And I realized you were dead.

The other Monkeys ate you!
They thought you were food!
The other Monkeys nibbled on you!
I thought that this was rude.

They did not mourn their fallen comrade
But for you I did cry.
But you would do the same thing
If it were not you, but I?
...Susan Barclay

MEDITATIONS ON A LIVE SEA-MONKEY®

I wish I were a Sea-Monkey® in a little tank
Swimming along, happily
I wish I were a Sea-Monkey® in a little tank
As happy as can be.

For if I were a Sea-Monkey® in a little tank
Swimming along, happily
I wouldn't have to go to work
Because, frankly, I'm pretty tired...
...Susan Barclay

HAIKU


Little Sea-Monkey®
Float swim glide eat drink play smile
You lucky bastard
Susan Barclay

FLUSHED AWAY....

Happy little sea monkeys swimming in the tank.
One day I became unhappy and decided that you stank
I poured you in the toilet and flushed you all away,
and now you're swimming with the fish in the Cape Cod bay.

Carol Snaith and Amanda Fraser
 

These used to be from the Sea-Monkey® Worship Page by sbarclay@haven.uniserve.com and were rescued with the Wayback Machine by Chris